Gloria's Guy Read online

  Gloria’s Guy

  a play by Joan Burrows

  Playwrights Canada Press

  Toronto

  To the Alumnae Theatre, celebrating its one hundredth anniversary of developing women in theatre, and especially to the New Play Development group of women writers for their continued support and wise counsel.

  Contents

  Production History

  Characters

  Act 1

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Act 2

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Copyright

  Production History

  Gloria’s Guy was first produced by the Alumnae Theatre, Toronto, as part of their first FireWorks Festival from November 13 to December 1, 2013, with the following company:

  Peggy: Jennifer Monteith

  Guy: Robert Meynell

  Jessie: Liz Best

  Gloria: Anna Douglas

  Eva: Erin Jones

  Leslie: Sangeeta Wylie

  Producer: Dahlia Katz

  Director: Anne Harper

  Stage Manager: Edgar Chua

  Set and Lighting Design: Ed Rosing

  Sound Design: Gabrielle D’Angelo

  Costume Design: Bec Brownstone

  Properties: Tess Hendaoui and Tara Gostling

  Characters

  Peggy

  Guy

  Jessie

  Gloria

  Eva

  Leslie

  Act 1

  Scene 1

  The setting is the upper floor of a furnished resort boathouse. A large picture window in the upstage wall looks out to the lake, and distant trees are showing the early colours of autumn. Beside this window is an entrance consisting of a locked door and a screen door. The main room has a couch, a smaller chair, and a coffee table on an area rug. There is a counter with basic kitchenware and a small refrigerator. Downstage right is the door to the bathroom and above this is another door to a bedroom. A door stage left leads to a second bedroom. The room is neat and ready for its weekend guests. Margaret “peggy” Anne McConnell, carrying a large garment bag and grocery bags, walks in front of the picture window and then unlocks the door. She enters.

  peggy: Oh my God! The boathouse suite! Looks exactly the same.

  Offstage voices are heard.

  jessie: How much farther?

  She turns her attention to the voices stage right.

  peggy: Are you okay, Ma? Just a few more steps up. Do you need any help?

  jessie: I’m fine. Guy’s right behind me. You’re still there, right, Guy?

  guy: Don’t worry, Mrs. McConnell. I’ve got your rear.

  jessie: Don’t be cheeky, Guy.

  guy: Don’t you be talking to me about cheeky.

  peggy walks into the central room, putting the garment bag over the back of the couch and the grocery bags on the counter. She quickly does a check of the rooms beginning downstage left, crossing to the bathroom stage right and then disappearing into the bedroom door beside it. jessie and guy appear in front of the window heading toward the door.

  That’s it, Mrs. Mac! Door’s on the right.

  An older woman, maybe in her early seventies, dressed in pants and jacket enters winded and carrying a rather large garment bag, a sewing basket, and her purse.

  jessie: Oh my.

  She crosses into the room and sits on the chair, still clutching the garment bag.

  guy enters behind her. He is around forty, lean and casually dressed in jeans, T-shirt, denim jacket, and baseball cap. At the moment he is somewhat loaded down with weekend bags, a portable sewing machine, and yet another garment bag.

  guy: Sorry, Mrs. Mac. Pat opened the boathouse for the girls because it’s what Peggy wanted. I don’t think she realized you’d be coming with them. She could give you some rooms in the main building on the ground floor. Except for a few wedding guests, we’re not very busy. Off-season and all.

  jessie: I wasn’t part of the original plan. But when some of the girls cancelled out, Margaret Anne asked if I wanted to come for the weekend rather than just for the wedding tomorrow. It seemed like a good idea considering there’s still a few alterations to be made on the dresses. Especially your niece’s.

  peggy enters from the bedroom.

  peggy: Are you all right, Ma? I forgot how many steps there were to get up here. Let me take the dresses.

  She removes the garment bag from jessie’s hands and hangs it up on a coat hook near the door. She does the same with the others while she continues the conversation.

  It’s just that we wanted the boathouse for old times’ sake. A little nostalgia this weekend for Leslie’s fortieth birthday.

  guy: I was just saying that Pat could find some rooms in the main building.

  peggy: Oh, no. It’ll be fine, won’t it, Ma? We’ll make sure you don’t do the stairs too often. I’ll get Kerry and the girls to come here to try on the dresses; more privacy from the groom.

  jessie: It’s fine, dear. But where will everyone sleep?

  peggy: Well, you and I’ll grab that room. It’s got two single beds and next to the bathroom. In case you have to get up in the night.

  jessie: Not in case, dear. When and how often is more like it.

  peggy: Whoever arrives next can claim the other room and last in gets the couch. We’ll set up the drinks and snacks and settle in for a good old-fashioned pyjama party. Just like back then. Care to join us, Guy? Can’t promise the lingerie will be as interesting this time round though.

  guy: Thanks but Pat and Jimmy have me pretty busy with the rehearsal party tonight. It’s my job to make sure the groom and his men don’t go overboard and end up too hungover to watch the bride come down the aisle tomorrow afternoon. Besides, I don’t wear PJs. Might be distracting — especially for you, Mrs. Mac.

  jessie: Don’t be so fresh, Guy. I may not teach you anymore but I still see your mother every Wednesday at the hospital guild. She wouldn’t want me sharing that information with the other ladies, now would she?

  guy: (laughing) My mother’s been shaking her head over me for a long time now.

  jessie: You’re telling me. When she used to start in on her Tales of Guy, it made the rest of us glad we had daughters! I need to freshen up, Margaret Anne. Then I’ll help you with the dresses. Guy, be a dear and take the bags into that bedroom for us.

  jessie heads into the bathroom.

  guy: Good idea. Establish territory before the others arrive.

  peggy helps him with the bags.

  peggy: Eva should be here soon. Leslie can’t get up from the city until late. She’s gonna be stuck in that traffic. You probably haven’t seen her for years.

  guy: Uh . . . actually, I ran into her last spring, out in LA. We were at the same . . . party. My firm was representing some restaurateur opening a new place and she was there.

  peggy: Oh? Funny she never mentioned it.

  guy: Since I’ve been home I see her picture constantly in the paper with some celebrity’s arm around her. Allen’s Bistro with a four-star rating. Who would’ve thought that our Leslie would become one of the major restaurateurs in the city?

  peggy: She’s done really well for herself. One of the success stories of our class.

  guy: The only success story.

  peggy: What about you? Mr. LA Lawyer, no less!

  guy: Hello. Living in Woodsville now. Carrying luggage in my brother’s resort. Those LA days are over.


  peggy: But you’re still a lawyer. You got further than most of us.

  guy: Further? I’m not so sure.

  peggy: Look at it this way. You got the education. Leslie got the money. This weekend is sort of a surprise fortieth birthday party for her.

  guy: It’ll be nice to see her again.

  peggy: She’s only here for tonight. Some film producer has booked her place for a wrap party tomorrow night so she has to get back to the city. I haven’t seen her since Eva’s wedding.

  guy: To the dentist?

  peggy: Divorced that one. Seems teeth weren’t the only things he was filling.

  guy: Oh.

  peggy: She married Steve two years ago. He sells insurance. But knowing Eva the Diva, I’m sure we’re in for more drama about husband number two. At least Leslie said she had some great news to share.

  guy: Another restaurant opening?

  peggy: Probably! Maybe this one’s in New York. Or maybe she’s decided to open a place up here. She could buy you and your brother out, if you’re interested.

  guy: I just put what little money I had into this place. But an Allen’s North just a little farther up the shore sure could help us. People from the city could book to eat there but sleep here. We’d both win!

  He looks around and sees the bags are finished.

  Okay, so you and Mrs. Mac have claimed the twin room. Eva can go there.

  He points to the other bedroom.

  I can’t believe she agreed to have your mom tag along. Mrs. Mac scared the bejesus out of her in high school.

  peggy: It’ll be fine. Where’s the extra linen for the couch?

  guy: Pat keeps it in this room.

  He heads for the bedroom downstage left.

  peggy: Eva’ll probably let Gloria have that room so she can bunk out here and gab all night with Leslie.

  guy suddenly reappears in the doorway.

  guy: Gloria? Gloria Atherly?

  peggy: Yeah. Didn’t Pat tell you she was coming?

  guy: No.

  peggy: Oh, well, when your sister asked me to make the wedding dresses, I bartered my time for a free weekend for all us girls at the resort. We’ve been trying to have a boathouse blast for years but something always gets in the way of our reunion. Even now two cancelled out and Leslie’s only good for tonight. Gloria arranged for them all to play golf tomorrow morning but I guess she doesn’t have a foursome now. She’ll be so disappointed. Hey, maybe you could play with her?

  guy: Gloria Atherly is coming here for the weekend and you want me to play golf with her? Peggy, I haven’t spoken to Gloria in years. Ever since that fiasco on grad night, we’ve managed to avoid each other.

  peggy: Come on. Do you mean to say you haven’t seen her in all that time?

  guy: Seen her? Yeah. If I was home for Christmas I’d see her and Charlie at church sitting with her dad. Or if we were here on the same weekend in the summer, I might catch sight of her coming out of a store. We’d do this weird head nod to each other.

  He demonstrates.

  Once, when I came out of Logan’s Drugstore, I saw her on the other side of Main Street. It was just a few months after Charlie was killed. I did this really stupid wave —

  Again he demonstrates.

  But then this huge transport stopped at the light and when it lurched through the intersection she was gone. I don’t even think she saw me. Does she know that I’ve moved back home?

  peggy: I might’ve mentioned it. Don’t worry, Guy. Gloria’s not here this weekend to meet up with an old high-school sweetheart. She’s coming up for some serious girl fun and to get in a little golf. Considering how you treated her on grad night back then, I seriously doubt she’s gonna be chasing you around the hot tub. You can count on Eva to do that. Husband number two probably being on the way out and all.

  guy: Thanks for the warning. I’ll stay clear of the boathouse for the rest of the weekend.

  jessie steps out of the bathroom.

  jessie: Now why would you do that, Guy? Your mother tells me you haven’t dated anyone since you’ve been home. Didn’t even ask anyone to be your escort for your niece’s wedding. What’s wrong with you? Surely you’re not going to stand there and tell us that Woodsville women just don’t compare to those California blonds you were dating all those years. None of them seemed to last very long.

  peggy: Ma!

  guy: You’re right, Mrs. Mac. There’s no comparison. That’s why I had to leave the sun and surf and head back to the wilds of Woodsville. I needed to find a real woman in my life and where better than back here in my old hometown. After all, this town is teeming with them, right?

  peggy: How about Marjorie Heckles, the librarian. She’s available. She’s sixty-three but she’s still available. Or how about Rita down at Gary’s Diner? I’ve seen you in there scarfing down her BLTs. What more could a man want? A woman who cooks.

  guy: How about a woman who cooks and has teeth!

  jessie: Joke all you want, Guy Larkin, but you need a woman in your life. Just because your first marriage didn’t last doesn’t mean the second one won’t. It’s high time you climbed back into that saddle. Haven’t you heard that song, “The Second Time Around”?

  guy: Could you hum me a few bars?

  jessie: I’ll give you more than a few bars. I’ll give you verse and chorus if you find yourself a girl before Christmas.

  guy: Tell you what. I’ll be on the lookout for someone as long as you’re doing the same. After all, you’ve been widowed for some time now. Isn’t it time you started to find someone for your saddle? You said it yourself — love can be wonderful the second . . .

  jessie: My saddle’s too old and worn out, thank you very much. And after forty-five years of marriage, I’m not looking for another rider. You, on the other hand, better find some filly fast before you forget how to ride.

  peggy: Ma!

  guy: You mean it’s not like a bike, Mrs. Mac? I thought once you learned you never forgot.

  jessie: When you were a kid you fell off your bike all the time.

  guy: Trust me, I learned how to ride.

  jessie: But have you learned how to hold on?

  peggy: Ma, leave Guy alone. He’s only been back a few months. If he’s meant to settle down here, he will. Right, Guy?

  guy: Right, Peg. Hey, why don’t I call Ted and he can be my wingman as I go cruisin’ for babes. Of course, we can’t cruise far seeing as there’s only one street in town.

  peggy: Be my guest. I’ll have to warn you, though, Ted’s usually asleep in front of the TV by ten, so don’t count on it being a late night.

  guy: (laughing) See, Mrs. Mac, I’m trying but I’m blocked wherever I turn.

  jessie: Laugh all you want, my boy. I just hope you’re not laughing so hard that you don’t see an opportunity when it presents itself to you. Opportunity only knocks once, you know.

  guy: Is that another song title?

  peggy: Trust me, if it isn’t, she’ll turn it into one by the end of the weekend. Look, Ma, we need to finish the hem on Kerry’s dress, so why don’t you unpack your sewing stuff. I’ll run over to see if Pat has an ironing board we can set up in here.

  guy: I’ll get you one, Peg.

  peggy: We’ll need a steam iron, too.

  guy: No problem. I’ll go down the back way to the resort. How about you, Mrs. Mac, need anything? Food? Drink? Man?

  jessie: Just bring me a good heavy iron. I just thought of another use for it!

  She mimes it as a weapon on guy’s head.

  guy: Mrs. Mac, how can I possibly find a woman if my head’s cracked?

  jessie: Same way you found that first one, I guess.

  guy laughs and exits through the boathouse door, turning stage left.

  peggy: Honestly, Ma, will you lay off? It can’t be
easy for him coming back home and living here with Pat and Jimmy. We all thought he had it made living out in California, hobnobbing with the rich and famous, making tons of money. But obviously something wasn’t right. Otherwise why would he come back here?

  jessie: His wife left him.

  peggy: Yeah, well . . .

  jessie: And she got custody of his child.

  peggy: There’s more to it. Does his mother ever say anything to you?

  jessie: No. She used to regale us with all kinds of stories but she’s been pretty tight-lipped about Guy for the last few years.

  peggy: He’s come over to the house a few times to see Ted and, I don’t know, Guy’s changed. He may seem all cheeky on the outside but both Ted and I sense a real sadness in him. Something happened. And so far, he hasn’t shared anything but I don’t think teasing him about being single really helps, so maybe . . .

  jessie: Who’s teasing? I’m serious. Maybe his sadness comes out of loneliness. I just think he should be ready for whoever comes into his life, that’s all.

  gloria Atherly, slim, attractive, and casually but smartly dressed appears in the picture window. She knocks on it, waves, and proceeds to the screen door. peggy rushes to open it for her. They hug each other affectionately.

  peggy: Glorreeeaaa! Wow! Look at you. You look stunning. Doesn’t she look stunning, Ma?

  gloria: Me? You look wonderful. Hi, Mrs. McConnell.

  gloria crosses to jessie and hugs her with affection as well.

  I’m so glad you decided to come for our weekend. It’s been too long.

  jessie: Oh, Gloria. Since your dad moved to Florida you hardly ever come up to Woodsville anymore.

  gloria: I know, I’m sorry. I come up a few times in the summer. Dad kept his cottage over at the lake. More for my brother and his family, but it’s an occasional retreat for me, too. But when I’m there, I just don’t feel like coming into town and battling the tourists, you know?

  jessie: Well, that’s understandable. Maybe you should just move back.

  gloria: (laughing) You know, I spent my whole teenage existence wanting to get out of here as fast as I could, and now that I’m almost forty and living in the city with all the traffic and congestion and smog, I spend just as much time pining for Woodsville. An example of irony; something you taught me, Mrs. Mac.